Jake Seaton: March 2008 Archives
Acting's a hard thing to do believably, as watching any low-budget effort will teach you. While I like to think I have at least a degree more connection to humanity than some others, I still find it hard to feel, or express, a...conventional range of emotions. I suppose I could pretend, and fill in my emotional blanks with an act, but I fail to see the point. Primarily that's because I don't trust my acting ability enough to be believable at a time when it matters. If I'm known for being emotionally detached, if ever I'm questioned in relation to anything untoward, my lack of reaction is unlikely to be seen as anything unusual, for me at least.
I like to think this plants me nicely in the centre of two types - the psychopath who has so little concern about the social ramifications of his behaviour, making him that much more catchable, and the psychopath who is aware enough of his mindset that he puts up a front, but if ever that slips, he'll be under far more suspicion.
I'm using the term psychopath, but I genuinely don't believe I am one. I just happen to enjoy killing people. Not through any sense of justice, vengeance, sexual thrill, or need for control...then again that last one definitely does feature on occasion, although I'd imagine we all want to control various aspects of our lives, and as my life involves a degree of death, it's only natural to exert control to a degree.#
I'm rambling slightly. It's late at night and I'm amusing myself with television, which is what set me thinking about acting. No target as yet, but patience is always rewarded.
I like to think this plants me nicely in the centre of two types - the psychopath who has so little concern about the social ramifications of his behaviour, making him that much more catchable, and the psychopath who is aware enough of his mindset that he puts up a front, but if ever that slips, he'll be under far more suspicion.
I'm using the term psychopath, but I genuinely don't believe I am one. I just happen to enjoy killing people. Not through any sense of justice, vengeance, sexual thrill, or need for control...then again that last one definitely does feature on occasion, although I'd imagine we all want to control various aspects of our lives, and as my life involves a degree of death, it's only natural to exert control to a degree.#
I'm rambling slightly. It's late at night and I'm amusing myself with television, which is what set me thinking about acting. No target as yet, but patience is always rewarded.
I don't kill often, by most standards. I realise that might sound slightly incongruous, given that the vast majority of the population don't kill at all, but within the realms of my own...company, shall we say, I'm far more restrained than some. On a related note, I have no time for those people who share my hobby, but then profess to have no self control, or who claim it was a cry for help. I'm fully aware of my actions, and rush into nothing, otherwise I'd almost certainly not still be free to practise.
However, while I have no great desire for publicity for obvious reasons, I occasionally find myself slightly bothered by the fact that there's no-one to share my actions with. I have friends and colleagues of course, but no-one who I trust enough to know the darker truth of me. Hence starting this blog. It's routed through enough dummy servers that it can't be traced, and the only real risk is that it might get shut down, but as there's no way to avoid that I won't let that possibility trouble me. I don't even know if anyone will actually find or read this, but in an odd way that's secondary to me knowing that it's available, even if no living soul actually takes my words on board.
I can't promise a constant flood of plotting and gore - at the moment I don't even have my next target determined - but the gradual unfolding of my sometimes unusual life and occasional tangental thoughts may prove entertaining for some.
However, while I have no great desire for publicity for obvious reasons, I occasionally find myself slightly bothered by the fact that there's no-one to share my actions with. I have friends and colleagues of course, but no-one who I trust enough to know the darker truth of me. Hence starting this blog. It's routed through enough dummy servers that it can't be traced, and the only real risk is that it might get shut down, but as there's no way to avoid that I won't let that possibility trouble me. I don't even know if anyone will actually find or read this, but in an odd way that's secondary to me knowing that it's available, even if no living soul actually takes my words on board.
I can't promise a constant flood of plotting and gore - at the moment I don't even have my next target determined - but the gradual unfolding of my sometimes unusual life and occasional tangental thoughts may prove entertaining for some.
